I have been afraid to write of love lately. It takes away too much out of me.
Love is the essence of living. And there are days, which these days are most days when I feel it hurts too much to speak of love with careless abandon. I did so once. Perhaps even dared to do it twice. Once all was said done, I was left with a mere shell of my words.
My love I am giving you my heart
It’s yours to keep, ugliness apart
Chaos mars it appearance
You can see the bruised corners
The beaten and battered walls
Evident are it’s battle scars
It’s been a through a lot you see
Magnificence and bewitching eminence
Memories of the long forgotten past
It’s a fighter, this one, rugged yet compelling
Though it holds a sea of pain so vast
Hasn’t learned to give up yet
So here’s me taking another chance
With words that oft go unwritten
Sensations that cannot be explained
The hurricane of convulsing emotions
Battling to surpass the flood gates
To cause the inevitable destruction
Here take my heart and place it with yours
Let the storm rage and the waves crash
Anticipate the uproar and cherish the burn
Of salt water and force of nature
Let it leave you breathless and drown you whole
Don’t you see I’ve got you now so
Feel all that I’ve ever felt and once loved
Feel the dissipating dreams burning slow
Feel the devastation of every suffered blow
Feel the tears of each shattered hope
Feel the betrayal of the once treasured, turned foe
Feel the helplessness of a broken soul
No longer will you need excuses
Nor false promises or sweet lies
The lock to the door has now been opened
Take a deep look and see for yourself
Why I am afraid I cannot love you
No matter that it’s all I hope to
I was drowning
Drowning in sorrow
Perhaps, it was madness
It could have been sadness
A sea of emotions
The sea I built up
With these toxic emotions
Feeding on my
Memories
Nothing
But just memories
You weren’t real
No
Your were
Imaginary
A fantasy
You were
What I made you to be
Now I know
What unreal means
Now I know
It wasn’t love I felt
It was just an infatuation
Infatuation for an entity
I built in my head
You see
I was a fool
A fool in love
I am a fool no longer
I am a fighter
And I fight
To save my sanity
So pack your bags
Take your number
And your fake apologies
There’s no room for you
No room
For your vanity
No longer will you live
Inside of me
Your legacy
It’s still haunting me
Haunting me like ghosts
Not from the past
These ghosts
Are the ones who live
In my present
They have no business here
Yet they linger
Making me miserable
Stopping me from moving forward
Tying my feet with these shackles
Shackles, only I can see
Making my life miserable
Yet I am not this person
I am not defined by misery
I won’t be
Miserable
So I turn to madness
I am mad, so mad
At you, at the world
Mad at everyone
At everything, but mostly
Mad at myself
For not being able
To give my heart
To anybody else
Not because I love you
Because I truly don’t
I am not trying to delude myself
Or give myself false hope
I loved you, yes
But that’s no longer the case
Gosh, I am so mad
Mad at this mess
You left behind
I never had your love
But I have this pain
Which you gave to me
Not as a parting gift
You brought it along
When you first came into my life
It’s never ending
This pain
It’s Omnipresent
Always there
In the background
Screaming, hurting
Never letting me forget
Reminding me, always repeating
The lessons I’ll never forget
Yet, I can’t recall the number of times
I’ve cried
Cried like a madwoman
The amount of tears that have fallen
Countless tears
Out of these eyes, these poor eyes
Putting the oceans to shame
These tears
They fell unchecked
They fell gently, sometimes rapidly
Flowing into nothingness
Some drying on my cheeks
Some kissing my lips
Always falling, never stopping
These tears
Trying my hand at something new. Let me know what you think.
Romancing Life 